Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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