checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize