im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
