I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
