We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
