You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
