I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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