I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
