So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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