the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize