I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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