out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
