Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
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I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
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I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?