I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldnâ€™t Be More Proud
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.