i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something