i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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