Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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