There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
