WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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