I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think I am morally bankrupt
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
