So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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