i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
