lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
