I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
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he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
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I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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