I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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