how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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