The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
