Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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