Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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