i just wanna soil my oats bro
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
