He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Panties = found
Randomize
