if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
This is classic penis vs brain.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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