I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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