How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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