i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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