My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
