I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Boobs speak an international language.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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