I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When are your genitals available?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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