my mouth tastes like poor choices
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
