I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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