Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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