he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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