Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Please don't give away my fajitas
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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