dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
