I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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