thus making me awesome and them whores
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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