my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
