i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
