Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
