OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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