Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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