So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
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What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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