He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
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It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
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I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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