Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
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