people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
