I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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