My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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