Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
