why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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