thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
